Body Image. A testimony.

I had just gotten my new Seventeen magazine in the mail and I started to look through it. And of course for models and everything they're always so thin and and their skin flawless. For years I've wanted to be those girls. I've always hated my body. Even when I lost weight, I still hated my body. I've noticed it with my friends and other girls. They can be gorgeous and thin, but they think they're ugly and fat. Doesn't that sound familiar? Don't all of us girls hate something about ourselves? And why do we do that? I never understand why we hate our bodies or our faces. Sure we're not perfect, but who is nowadays? And it doesn't help us see that we're beautiful, when in today's world the only way you can be beautiful is by being a size 0.
I've struggled with this issue for a while. And it's something that can really destroy your life. When I was 15 I just couldn't take it anymore. My mom and I had just gotten a membership at Curves and we worked out 3 times a week or more. After a couple of months and not seeing a difference in my weight I stopped going for a while and took matters into my own hands. So I stopped eating all together. After a week I felt light-headed and weak. But we had a treadmill and I would walk three miles having the speed up to 4.0. I did this for about two weeks and one day when I had stopped the treadmill and gotten off and felt like I was going to faint. So I grabbed a hold of it and leaned on it with my eyes shut tightly. I waited for the room to stop spinning then I went into the kitchen and got some water. My parents didn't realize it at first, because I did get some food but I went to my room and called my dog in there. I would give all the food to him. My mom had brought up about these girls who starve themselves and the danger that they're in. In my mind I was like "Oh well I'm not starving myself for my whole life. Just until I lose some weight."
I think my mom figured something was wrong with me because she would sit with me and make sure I ate. I've always hated throwing up so I tried it a couple of times, but I wouldn't throw up. I decided not to do it and something hit me. What I was doing was really stupid. I was killing myself to be like other people.
So I started to eat regularly and workout everyday(but not going to the extremes like I did). And I started to see a change in myself. Still I thought that I was still too big. I knew that if I stopped eating there was a chance something bad could happen and I didn't want that. So not thinking, I started to punch myself in the stomach. It's not like I thought that would help me lose weight, but it was like I had to "punish" myself for allowing myself to get this way. Then I didn't like my face, so I started to slap myself. I knew hurting myself wouldn't solve anything, but it felt good. Again something happened and one day I just broke down crying. I looked in the mirror at the red hand prints on my face and I lifted my shirt and saw the red marks from where I hit myself. What was I turning into? Why was I doing this? This wasn't solving anything. My family knows I'm very self-conscience and since I was 15 I've lost more than 30 pounds. That's an accomplishment. But still, seeing today's women and at how glamorous they are, I get very self-conscience and complain about how I'm fat. But I remember that I had heard this when I was a kid: "God loves you just the way your are. He made you special." See? God made you special. God loves you no matter what you look like. And isn't that what really matters? God's love is the only love I need. He thinks I'm beautiful. He probably didn't intend for me to be skinny and a size 0. He probably wanted me to have curves and be proud of them. Not ashamed.

He wants us to live for Him, not live for the world. We're not suppose to conform to the ways of the world. We're suppose to stand up against this sin. I'm not saying being healthy and a little self-conscience is a sin(because it's natural). But being vain is one. Sure we girls see that male family members or male friends seem to prefer girls who are stick thin, but not all guys are like that. If it's in God's plan for you to marry, then you will marry. And if a guy does't like you because of the way you look, then forget him. Seriously. Sure I'm still self-conscience, I'm not gonna lie. Here's a song that makes me smile and really relates to this issue.
Beautiful Girl by Trin-I-Tee 5:7
[Intro:]Say your such a beautiful girl, your such a beautiful girl alright that was a good let's keep that one yeah(I'm beautiful)you're such a beautiful girl (ooh yes you are) (I'm beautiful) your such a beautiful girl
[Verse 1:]It's getting late spread some wordWho is I in this worldTrying hard to figure out just what this life is all aboutSomebody told me honey smile it's alright you're God's childDon't let the world define who you are shine baby shine
[Chorus 1:]You're such a beautiful girl(un huh like the flowers that bloom)You're such a beautiful girl(un huh like the sun in the sky)You're such a beautiful girl(and like the moon in the night)You're such a beautiful girl
[Verse 2:]They say beauty's only skin deep but baby how can u see You gotta learn to love yourself and you'll never never go wrong Mothers and fathers sisters and brothers we've got a word for you Take the time out to teach um well cause they're watching you
[Chorus 2:](said it's alright honey you're)you're such a beautiful girl(un huh when you smile you light up the world)you're such a beautiful girl(always remember you are whoaaaa)you're such a beautiful girl(you are such a lovely girl) you're such a beautiful girl
[Hook:]You're such a beautiful girl youuu are you are you are you're such a beautiful girl youuu are you are you are bright eyes healthy size cute smile and a jazzy style yeah yeah
[Chorus 2:]You're such a beautiful girl(un huh when you smile you light up the world)you're such a beautiful girl(always remember you are whoaaaa)you're such a beautiful girl(you are such a lovely girl)you're such a beautiful girl I'm beautiful I'm beautiful

God thinks we're beautiful and that's all that should matter.


By Catharine R. from Richmond, VA