Everlasting Scars

My whole life (13 years) I’ve grown up in a big, loving Christian home. When I say big, I mean I have quadruplet brother and sisters: one boy and three girls. Two of them are autistic. For those of you who don’t know what that is, autism is a developmental disorder of children, characterized by impaired communication, excessive rigidity, and emotional detachment. Let’s just say my house is never quiet. Well I always knew my parents loved me, but as I got to age 11 or so, I began to question that love. I mean, a lot of times I couldn’t do stuff “normal” kids my age got to do because we couldn’t take the quads. At first, I blamed the quads, but then I thought, “Maybe its me, maybe I’m not good enough.” Age 12 I started cutting. It made me feel like I had the power to do something, like cutting was my punishment every time I didn’t live up to my parents high expectations, or did something wrong. And because it was in winter I had an excuse to wear long sleeves all the time. Just recently, though, I had started going to a youth group. One day it was really hot in the room and, forgetting for a moment all the cuts that covered my arms, I pulled up my sleeves. The girl next to me that I had befriended, Ashlee, saw before I remembered to pull my sleeves down. After youth group, she pulled me aside and said, “I know, Candice, I saw the cuts on your arms.” At first it took me a second to digest what she was saying. Then I burst into tears. She gave me a hug and said, “God loves you.” Then she made me promise I would stop. I agreed. Unfortunately, just because she said God loved me, didn’t mean I really believed that. It was the hope that someone loved me. About a week, maybe two, later, I went to a Rebelution conference with my youth group. I thought the whole DO HARD THINGS idea was pretty cool. Then Alex and Brett’s Dad got up on the stage. As he talked, it finally dawned on me: GOD REALLY DOES LOVE ME!!! A God that controls the ENTIRE universe loves me! Right then and there, I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. I can’t express what a wonderful feeling I had. Tears streaming down my face, I stood up to Mr. Harris’ call to anyone who had just accepted Christ so that they could receive a free book. But to tell you the truth there was only one thought going through my mind: God loves me. And I’ll always have the scars that mark my arms, but every time I see them, my heart is filled with the joy, knowing that God gave his precious, perfect Son to DIE for us, just so that we could have eternal life. Whether you know it yet or not, God loves you just the way you are.

A real testimony written by Candice in North Carolina.